Thursday, March 22, 2007

The Purpose Driven Life

When problems and the unexpected happen in our life, the world seems cruel and we befriended with negative thoughts. We feel lost, we cry, we blame ourselves, and we are clouded by the “what IF” and the “WHY?” We do not know who we are anymore and we might feel so unworthy. Sometimes, we may even think to end our lives and wish things never happened to us.

Since I was young, my life is a happy one and with many blessings. Although, my parents were separated when I was four, my older brother and I lived comfortably had a good upbringing. Our family was not rich, nor poor, but we have more than enough love and attention to go around. I grew up as a cheerful girl and many people who knew me often say that I’m a good, kind, nice and thoughtful person.

Furthermore, I had the opportunity to study and graduated from aboard. I married my college sweetheart, get a stable job and had 2 cute baby boys… what else should I asked for..? The world seemed so friendly and wonderful; my life was all about my husband, my boys and our little family.

Without a warning thunder suddenly stroke, then followed with a tornado which finally torn our marriage apart. I broke down and was lost, like a chick that suddenly lost her mother. I didn’t know what to do or where to begin and started to blame myself for the fail marriage. All the dreams for my boys’ bright future suddenly became dark; it even scares me to think what would become of them without a father role in our family.

All the infinite possibility of things I could have done differently to save our marriage clouded my mind. The “what IF” and the “Why” hunted me. Disappearing from this world and away from all the people I know was an option that came across my mind. It was not easy; it was one of the darkest moments in my life.

With a glimpse of hope, I tried to pick up the pieces, putting it all together again, and craving for better ending but suddenly another storm hit. The unwanted black cloud once again came and covered the sun; the rain dropped and wiped my confident away. Once again, I drowned loose control of my life. All the root of my pains in life became a big deal, from unwanted child to the unchoosen one; “Why? Why? Am I that bad, that no one wants me?” I felt so unworthy.

The Angel side of me with broken wings, tried hard to stand up in confident without showing any pain or weakness while, the Evil side of me, eager to take over my life, trying to be a hero for my Angel. At the point, I didn’t know who I was anymore. I was too tired of myself. Fortunately, my family and friends who care so much about me are always there to watch me and to make sure that I was in right back on track.

I remembered that I still have Jesus, and so I came to Him and cried in His feet to help me carry all my burdens. I started to go to church again and it has been long since I last visited Him. He is so unbelievable and incomparable. With all my sins and things, I have done wrong, yet He still welcomes me with open arms. I realize that He never left, and that He was always there. His love is so sweet and tender, and it is only Him that I can depend on.

One day, a friend of mine, who always have time for me and to share His love, gave me a book called “The Purpose Driven Live” by Rick Warren. Honestly, reading is a challenge for me, it was not one of my favorite things to do, and so I prayed and asked God to give me the spirit and encouragement to help me read this book. I never missed a single day.

By the second day, I felt the spirit of life started to rise within my soul; and I could hold myself to share it to all my friends. This book has changed the way I see myself and others. Now, I’m in a process to be the person that God wants me to be; I’m still a human being and I still have weaknesses but it will not stop Him from working in my life. Day after day, the sun shines brightly more than ever and I see HOPE. I learned that whatever had happen to me happened for a reason and God will turn everything for His purpose.

The Purpose Driven Life makes me realize how worthy I am in His eyes; that I have a right to be in His Kingdom; how He wants me to be the person He created for; why He lets everything happened in my life; and what the purpose of Him for me. This book helps me find out my purpose of life that pleases my Lord. [03/20/07]

Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all of you who are tired from carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest.
Jeremiah 17: 7-8
Blessed is the man that trusteth in the LORD, and whose hope the LORD is. For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit.